This week’s riff is called What to do with a broken heart
This year for me has been a long and very dark night of the soul where I’ve often had the feeling that my heart is completely broken
This is something I wrote for myself that may be useful for you too
I wouldn’t call it a poem - it hasn’t been crafted or perfected in any way - it’s more a stream of consciousness.
What to do with a broken heart
1 Admit that your heart is broken
Put down the weight of pretending for a moment
No need to smile to reassure others
Allow the enormity and intensity of this monumental body slam from life
What if you could allow it all to be ok?
Ok that you feel anxious, defeated, lost, and exhausted
OK that you’re disappointed with the friends who have left or who don’t understand
OK that you’re grieving the hopes and dreams that now might come to nothing
The things that will be left undone, the places unvisited
The life you thought you might have that might now never be
What if it was ok that there’s a voice inside that says I don’t want to die or this isn’t fair
What if it was ok to envy others their choices, their freedom, their ability to be carefree
What if it was ok to just feel broken-hearted?
2 Learn to love the darkness
We’re expected to rush through these things
And there is panic as we sit in the ruins
For we’ve been trained to value our lives through productivity
There is the sense that we must get on with rebuilding
We should be doing something to put our lives back together
But just as widows wear black and grieve for a full year
So must we sit in the sacred darkness
Train yourself to become comfortable, settle in
The darkness is not dangerous, that’s a myth
It’s the womb of all creativity
Where we remove the clothing of our old selves and fling it into the holy fire of life
In order to rebirth
So learn to love it here
Learn to trust yourself too - you know what to do
Let your inner eyes adjust to the darkness
And you will start to see
3 Realise there is nothing we can do except tend our broken heart
The soul works in ways that the human mind does not understand
Let her do what she needs to do in her own gentle way
Just befriend your feelings
Invite them to sit at your table
The fear, the loneliness, the grief, the exhaustion, the confusion, the loss
Even the anxiety that terrorises you
And the depression that feels like a black hole from which you may never come back
Ask for the grace to find it in you to love all of them - wholeheartedly
They’re all parts of you
Ask each of them what they’re here to teach you
Do this, even if it’s hard, for the simple reason that anything you do not embrace will haunt you for the rest of your days
The only way to be free is to welcome these unwanted friends
As if they were your special guests
4 Do not, whatever you do, try and stop your heart from breaking
For it is not your heart that is breaking
The heart does not break - courage comes from the French coeur meaning heart
What is shattering is a set of ideas stored in the mind
Of the person you once were and the life you once lived
Ideas, stories, that is all
In truth - in soul - you were never any of these things anyway
What is shattering is the thin veil that prevents you know from knowing the light of your own soul
That subtle shift in perspective that changes everything
So cry every human tear that needs to be cried
But celebrate too
Know that what is ending must end - it is what we are here for
Allow the sensation of breaking
Become completely undone
Only when we become nothing, undefended
Do we find our light
5 Know when the time has come to let it all go
Ask Jesus or the Buddha to relieve you of your burdens if that is your thing
Dig a garden and pour it into the soil
Write it all down and burn it
Create something wonderful
Howl at the moon or scream it out if you want
The point is
Know when it is time to say goodbye to the new friends you have made
To say thank you very much for the lessons you have brought me
But now it is time for you to go
Because I am ready to move on
Sending love 💜💜💜
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